


High Tide, Low Tide

by TenOrKris



Series: Carry On [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Angst, Boss Moon Taeil, Explicit Sexual Content, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Minor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Post-Break Up, Setting: California, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25229431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenOrKris/pseuds/TenOrKris
Summary: Mark Lee broke Donghyuck's heart. Donghyuck copes in his own ways. But he doesn't let that stop him from keeping his eye on the prize: singing. Mr. Moon offers him a step in the right direction and Donghyuck finds new ways to cope.In more detail:College Junior and Nu Delta brother Donghyuck is heart broken. He copes in the only ways he knows how, alcohol and pushing himself to the limit. So when he manages to snag an internship at a record label with music producer Taeil Moon, he learns new ways to cope. Taeil watches from the sidelines as his mentee slowly falls apart and tries to help put him back together.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil
Series: Carry On [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1827790
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the same Donghyuck from 4infinity! This is immediately after the MarkHyuck break up. I wrote this instead of writing the new chapter of 4infinity. I just really needed to hurt myself with this. It gets worst before it gets better. Not sorry!
> 
> You should be able to read this as a stand-alone, but if you want more context, read 4infinity. The breakup is addressed in chapter 11. Also be mindful of the tags, Donghyuck has unhealthy coping mechanisms that will be an omnipresent part of the story. Alcohol abuse being a main one. Also, Donghyuck is aged up 1 year like Mark is in 4infinity.

Mark broke up with him. Mark broke up with him in their shared living room a week before winter break. They lived together, they signed the lease to the apartment together. Their names were on a legal document claiming responsibility for the apartment until May. It was only December. They would figure it out. Correction, _he_ would figure it out. There was no more _they_ , _they_ were done. Donghyuck was crying in Jaehyun’s bed as his fraternity brother failed to comfort him. It wasn’t Jaehyun’s fault, he was just awkward. Donghyuck got it, didn’t fault Jaehyun for it. It just sucked that the one person he could lean on wasn’t in his life anymore. Mark was his comfort and now he was gone. Next semester would be Mark’s last and then he would really be gone. There would be no chance of catching the other walking on campus or in the dining hall. A full body sob ripped through him at the thought and Jaehyun just shushed him, running his hands down his spine. He didn’t know what to do, Mark was his everything. Maybe that was where the problem lied.

Mark would have known what to do.

* * *

Donghyuck was lucky he had his fraternity brothers to lean on. Jaehyun offered to let him stay in his room the rest of the year since he was one of the few brothers living in the house without a roommate and there was only spring semester left. Then he could apply to live in the house officially for the next school year. It wasn’t ideal but it was his only option at this point unless he wanted to live with someone random or hope someone wanted to share an apartment with him. 

It was Tuesday of finals week and he hadn’t seen Mark since they broke up on Saturday, only running into their apartment to grab clothes and whatever he needed to study. He made sure to go when he knew Mark wouldn’t be there. They would have to talk eventually, they couldn’t exactly sleep in the same bed together anymore. They would have to figure out the apartment situation soon. That was a later problem though, right now all he was worried about was making it through the week. It was fucking finals week and his boyfriend broke up with him the weekend before. He should be in bed crying and eating his feelings but that wasn’t Donghyuck’s style. He did his crying but now he was mad. He was heart broken. Donghyuck gave him everything, even his fucking virginity. He explicitly told Mark he wouldn’t sleep with him because of that and wanted to wait. So they did, they waited. Mark was understanding and he was so good to Donghyuck from the beginning. And now he was cramped in the back corner of the library trying not to snap his pen in half as he tried to figure out this stupid fucking probability problem. Fuck Mark Lee.

* * *

They finally ended up talking the next weekend, after finals were over. They had both planned on staying in their apartment together and only going to their respective homes the week of Christmas. It was going to be domestic bliss for those few weeks. Then Mark ruined it. Mark and his stupid face with the stupid mole and the stupid cheekbones had to break up with him. Now he had to go home for all of winter break and spend time with his little sister and people from high school who were still trying to be his friend. He just wanted to fuck Mark on their kitchen counter while they waited for some cookies to bake or something. But that wasn’t an option anymore.

“I’m staying with Jaehyun next semester.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I’ll get the rest of my stuff when we get back from winter break. I already emailed the leasing office to take my name off. It’s all yours now.”

“I’m sorry, Donghyuck.” Mark never really used his full birth name, only when he was mad or serious. It sounded foreign now, as if the last time he had called him that was ages ago and not last week. Mark looked like he was about to reach across the table but stopped himself. He pulled his hand back like he had been burned. Donghyuck’s heart ached.

“Don’t.” Donghyuck held up his hand. They were sitting in a cafe on campus. It was empty except for the employees behind the counter. They sat at a table closest to the door, chosen by Donghyuck himself to allow for a quick escape. It was only a matter of time before he would cry again, he knew that. He could pretend for himself and for other people that he wasn’t breaking on the inside but Mark could see through that. Mark knew him because Donghyuck knew him. Now it was just a race on who would cry first. Mark knew Donghyuck, but Donghyuck knew Mark all the same. He knew he was heartbroken too, could see the red under his eyes from his obvious crying, the way his lashes stuck together from dried up tears. He had his glasses on and if he leaned in close enough he could probably see tear stains on the lenses.

“Tell me when you plan on getting your stuff and I’ll make sure I’m not around.”

“Okay.” Donghyuck won the race as he grabbed his drink and left the cafe before Mark could see his tears. Or maybe he has lost the race.

* * *

“Fuck Mark.”

“You know I’m still dating his best friend, right?”

“Yes Jaehyun, I am painfully aware of your connection with my ex. Thank you for the reminder.” Donghyuck took a shot of tequila quickly, reaching for the bottle to pour another.

“Don’t you think you should slow down?” Jaehyun was sipping from his ever classy red solo cup. It was finally spring semester and they had just given out bids to the potential new members the night before. All of the men who accepted their bid were at the party to celebrate being official pledges. This semester would be the one where he was given his little brother. Donghyuck had been watching all of the new pledges from his spot in the kitchen, trying not to dwell on the fact that this was around the same time he had met Mark. How they had spent their first meeting, here, in this kitchen, sucking face. He didn’t get an exact say on who his little would be, there was a process, but they did take into consideration your preferences. He remembers when he had to rank his potential bigs and how he had put Jaehyun as his top pick and was terrified of getting anyone else. Luckily the process worked in his favor that time and Jaehyun ended up being his big brother and quickly best friend. 

“It’s fine, big.” Calling Jaehyun ‘big’ felt weird when he was sober but a drunk Donghyuck was an affectionate one. He may be upset but he still loved his big brother and he had to make sure Jaehyun knew that. Donghyuck smiled as he watched his brother’s ear turn bright red in embarrassment. He wouldn’t do it if Jaehyun didn’t react so perfectly every time. Jaehyun was basically asking for it. 

“Aren’t you recording your demo on Monday? You’re going to fuck up your voice if you keep drinking and shouting like that.” Jaehyun made a good point but he didn’t care. This was the first time he had been able to drink since he broke up with Mark. He had lost time to make up for. The plan was to get black out drunk before he started crying. So he downed his fifth shot of tequila of the night and grabbed the freshly filled cup from Jaehyun’s hands.

“I’m a big boy,  _ hyung.”  _ It wasn’t often he spoke in Korean to the older even though they were both fluent. When they did, it was to make jokes or to keep something private between the two. They especially didn’t use honorifics with each other, but Donghyuck felt like pushing buttons tonight.

“Whatever, just don’t vomit in our room.”

“No promises.”

Donghyuck took his newly acquired cup of cheap beer and found his way to the living room that was converted into a dance floor. Bodies were everywhere, people drinking and grinding to hot 100 music with just enough bass and inappropriate lyrics. This is what Donghyuck knew, this was where he was comfortable. A cup in hand, swaying with the people too drunk to remember if they saw Donghyuck crying as he took another swig of beer. People were just here to drink and get laid and Donghyuck appreciated that. Any other night would have ended with Donghyuck and Mark naked in their bed but tonight he would find himself alone.

* * *

Maybe he should have listened to Jaehyun. It was Monday and he had finally wrapped up his classes for the day and he felt like a bag of bricks. It was junior year and he really only had classes for his major left to take before he could graduate next year. Today was his ear training class and music writing class, both required for his Bachelor’s in Music. The dream was to be a singer but his parents made him go to college and get a degree at least. His parents were the ones paying so he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. However things seemed to work in his favor when a Nu Delta brother approached him his freshman semester and asked if he was interested in joining. Initially he said no but the brother gave Donghyuck their number anyways and said to text if he changed his mind. Sitting down at his laptop that night, he looked up Nu Delta and learned that an alumnus was a composer and songwriter for Quest Records. Quest also happened to be based in Los Angeles which only happened to be an hour away from Donghyuck’s school. That was an in. Donghyuck was an opportunist and he would have been stupid to look the other way. So he texted the brother and he made sure to make himself a shoe in from the beginning. The rest was history.

So now Donghyuck was on his way to the campus studio to record a demo to send in to Quest Records. If he did well and the company liked it, he could get an internship over the summer. It may not end up with him being a singer like he had dreamed but it was a step in the right direction. Donghyuck would work the system; he would find a way to get his voice out there, however long it may take. But before any of that could happen, he needed to get his body to cooperate and sing like his life depended on it. To him, it did.

* * *

Apparently someone at Quest really liked his voice and wanted him to come to the company as soon as possible. He got a phone call from someone’s secretary (he didn’t catch a name, too caught up in the fact that someone was calling him to begin with) a few days after he submitted his demo asking when the soonest time he could come in was. Of course Donghyuck said tomorrow because who the fuck needs classes when he could be making it big instead. So they scheduled a time and Donghyuck hopped on the earliest bus to take him to the metro station the very next morning. This was it, things were finally going his way. 

The bus was quiet, given that it was still so early and people were still wiping sleep from their eyes. Donghyuck was quite the opposite, on the literal edge of his seat the entire trip. He couldn’t believe he was about to go meet someone from Quest Records in a few hours and potentially leave with an internship in hand. Since everything had happened so quickly, he forgot to even tell Mark. How could he have been so stupid? Mark would have been ecstatic, he knew how much this meant to Donghyuck. He spent so many nights rambling about his dreams to perform in sold out stadiums and have everyone know his songs. They joked that they were a perfect match since Mark was going to write about music when he graduated. Mark would have been Donghyuck’s very own reporter, standing behind him every step of the way. He needed to call Mark right now. So he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. Mark… Mark... Mark… Where was his number?

Oh.

* * *

“Hi, I’m Donghyuck Lee. I have a meeting at one.” Donghyuck put on his perfect professional smile, just the right amount of teeth. The receptionist responded in kind and told him to take a seat.

The building was pretty uninspired, nothing like Donghyuck expected. It was a plain building on the outside and just as plain on the inside. There was a couch and some chairs, modern and plain. In the middle of the room was a small circulation desk with the receptionist typing away on her keyboard and behind her a row of elevators. There was a plant haphazardly placed in the corner by the wall of windows behind where Donghyuck took his seat. It felt like a doctor’s office almost except more expensive and less sterile. 

Minutes passed, Donghyuck’s stomach twisting in more and more knots. Time moved so slowly while he was waiting; he had to fight the urge to pull out his phone and check social media or something, anything to help pass the time. 

Every time the elevator would ding and someone walked out, Donghyuck shot up like a puppy waiting for it’s owner to return home. And everytime, they would walk past Donghyuck without even so much as acknowledging his existence. Every time Donghyuck hunched back over, sad and defeated. Until finally a man came out the elevator and bee-lined straight towards him. Donghyuck immediately stood up, wiped the sweat off his palms on his pants, and reached out his arm as they greeted each other.

“I’m Doyoung, you must be Donghyuck. Come on, Mr. Moon is waiting for you.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's also supposed to be a MarkHyuck break-up fic coming but I felt like publishing this first. IDK how long this will be, probably not as long as 4infinity. If something doesn't read right, pleaseeeee let me know. I just pound these suckers out and do the bare minimum in editing.


	2. Chapter 2

“Mr. Moon, Donghyuck is here.”

A muffled voice came from the other side of the closed door Doyoung just knocked on. Then he was opening the door and ushering Donghyuck in, offering a polite smile before closing the door once he was in. They didn’t say more than five words to each other on the elevator ride up and Donghyuck wasn’t sure if that was the right move or not. 

“Donghyuck, right? I’m Taeil Moon. Have a seat.” Taeil was… not what Donghyuck was expecting. To be fair, he wasn’t expecting much since he had no idea who he was or what he did. He really should have done his research or at least remembered his name when he got the call. Instead, he was now standing in an almost empty office across from a man almost shorter than him, trying to not seem surprised. It wasn’t a significant difference and the neatly pressed suit helped elongate him, but it was a difference nonetheless. Stepping forward, he reached out his hand like the professional he was pretending to me.

“I’m Donghyuck, nice to meet you Mr. Moon.” He sat down after shaking hands, following Taeil’s cue. 

“Taeil is fine, only Doyoung calls me that for whatever reason.” Taeil smiled, the apples of his cheeks swelling. If Donghyuck wasn’t so nervous he would think Taeil was cute, his round face and stature making him seem younger than he probably was, which couldn’t have been that much older than Donghyuck. “I listened to your demo, you have a nice voice. Did you produce those songs?”

“Some of them, the first two at least. The rest I had help with some classmates.” His demo was only four songs and none of them were very provocative or inspiring, he knew that. He didn’t have enough time to write much else other than generic songs about falling in love and working hard to get what he wants. He had just hoped that his voice would be the selling point, always on key and stable. 

“You’re lucky I’m close with Daniel, I usually don’t listen to demos.” Daniel was the brother that Donghyuck contacted, desperate for his help to get into the industry. He made a mental note to thank Daniel profusely later. “I think you have potential but I’m not a talent agent. I produce and that’s what I’m good at.” Taeil paused, clearly thinking of what to say next. “So tell me, Donghyuck, why music?”

“Probably the same reason as everyone else, it’s my life. Music expresses things that words can’t. I want to be that person who people can turn to when they can’t explain how they’re feeling, what they’re thinking. Music is there for you when no one else is and that is more meaningful than anything else I think.”

Taeil hummed, leaning forward in his seat.

“Are you interested in producing?” It wasn’t something Donghyuck had ever considered, he wasn’t even sure if he was good at it. Only his teachers and Mark had listened to his music and Mark liked anything and his teachers were only listening to it to grade it. He wanted to sing and maybe this was the path he needed to get there. But he didn’t want to lie, something about Taeil made him feel relaxed and that it would be fine if he was honest.

“I’m not entirely sure, I’ve been so focused on singing I never thought about producing. I don’t even know if I’m any good.”

“I think your songs sounded fine. Either way, anyone can be good with practice, especially with me as their mentor.” Taeil smiled that smile again, this time his eyes squinting with the increasing rise of his cheeks. Yes, Taeil was definitely cute.

“Do you live in LA?” Taeil continued.

“I live about an hour or so out.”

“You’ll have to change that, I work late hours and need you to be around if I need you. The internship will be paid and I’ll make sure they pay you enough to support the atrocious rent. I have some pull in the company. I’ll talk to HR about it and have Doyoung contact you to figure out when you can start.”

“Wait, that’s it?” Donghyuck had to actively keep his mouth closed as he stared at the man across the desk. He didn’t notice until now that his hair was clearly dyed a lighter shade of brown than his natural hair and that he had piercing holes in his ears that sat empty. Donghyuck wondered what kind of person Taeil really was under the kempt hair and neat suit. He’ll have all summer break to learn, he thinks.

“I mean I can ask you about your greatest strengths and weaknesses if you really want.” Taeil laughed quietly, almost to himself. 

“Oh, no I’m okay thank you.” Donghyuck looked at his knees, hiding his embarrassment.

“Then, yes, that’s it. I heard what I needed to hear. Just make sure you put in the work when summer comes around. I’m busy so you will be too.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Oh god, please don’t. I’m not that much older than you, don’t sir me.” Taeil stood up, patting the creases out of his pants from sitting. “Doyoung can walk you out, I need to get out of this suit before I suffocate.”

Taeil walked to the office door and held it open for him.

“Doyoung, can you walk him out? We’re done and I need to get back in the studio.” Taeil turned to face Donghyuck who was about to exit the room. “I’ll see you this summer.”

“I look forward to it. Thank you.” Donghyuck walked out the office and Taeil closed the door. That seemed too easy.

* * *

“You’ll never guess what just happened.” Donghyuck flopped down on his bed opposite the room from Jaehyun’s, where the owner was lying tapping his phone.

“You got hit by a car on your way back and now they’re paying your tuition?” Jaehyun didn’t stop tapping.

“What? No.” Donghyuck sat up and kicked his shoes off.

“Damn. One day, man, one day.”

“Okay, weirdo. Remember that demo I submitted? Someone from a record label listened to it and they gave me an internship over the summer.” 

  
“No shit?” Jaehyun finally stopped whatever he was doing on his phone to sit up. 

“Yeah, they’re going to pay me and he wants me to move to Los Angeles.” Donghyuck couldn’t help but swing his legs as he bubbled with excitement now that he was able to tell someone. 

“That’s awesome! What are you going to be doing?”

“He wasn’t very specific, I think just helping him around the studio? He’s a producer so I guess help him with whatever it is producers do.” Donghyuck really should have asked about literally anything now that he’s thinking about it. It’s all starting to feel like a fever dream and when summer comes around he’ll wake up in a hot sweat back at the beginning of the semester.

“Well, let’s go celebrate. I’ll see who’s around and we can get dinner.” Jaehyun stood up from his bed, pocketing his phone. He walked over to clap his brother’s shoulder before heading out the door. 

* * *

It’s past two in the morning on a now Sunday morning and the Nu Delta house is nearly empty. The music stopped an hour ago and everyone started clearing out. Donghyuck was in his room, hot tears rolling down his face. This seemed to be a new routine for him. Drink until he’s ready to vomit, run to his room, and then cry until Jaehyun comes back. Today, Jaehyun wasn’t coming back to their room. He was spending the weekend with his boyfriend, Yuta. Yuta, who happened to be Mark’s best friend and the entire reason Donghyuck had met Mark to begin with. If it wasn’t for Yuta dragging Mark to the Nu Delta house while he tried to get in Jaehyun’s pants he never would have made out with Mark in the kitchen downstairs. The same kitchen he eats his cereal in every morning. Everything in Donghyuck’s life is just small reminders of Mark now.

Mark, who fucked him on Jaehyun’s bed while Jaehyun was busy making out with Yuta out back. Mark, who waited for him on the front porch while Donghyuck had to run inside for a fraternity thing. Mark, who held his hand while walking him to class and kissed him outside the classroom door.

Donghyuck hates Mark. At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself. He knew he couldn’t hate Mark, that this was all actually his own fault. That didn’t make it any less painful. It was just easier to put the blame on anyone other than himself. Once he puts the fault as his own, he’ll have to make changes. He’s not ready to make changes, he’s fine how he is. Except, he’s not and he hates Mark.

He’s stupid, he’s drunk, but most importantly he still loves Mark Lee.

* * *

Donghyuck invested some of the money his parents gave him into a new Launchpad. If he was going to be producing music over the summer, he might as well get a headstart on improving his skills. He has a YouTube video up of someone explaining how to use the grid of buttons and the software to go with it. He thinks he’s getting the hang of it until Jaehyun walks in and pulls a face.

“It’s horrible, isn’t it? God I can’t fucking figure this out.” Donghyuck slams his laptop shut, carefully flinging everything to the side of his bed. 

“It didn’t sound _that_ bad.” Jaehyun was being polite.

“I’m just- I just want to impress Taeil.”

“Taeil?”

“Oh, right. Taeil is who gave me the internship.”

“You’re on a first name basis with your future boss already?”

“He told me to call him that. He’s not even that old, calling him mister anything would probably be weird anyways.” At least, he didn’t look that old, probably not much older than Yuta who graduated almost three years ago at this point. It would have been weird calling someone Yuta’s age mister, right?

“You’ll get the hang of it eventually.” Jaehyun shrugged it off, not wanting to start an actual conversation right after class.

“Thanks.” Donghyuck sighed, defeatedly grabbing his laptop again. He meant what he said, he did want to impress Taeil. He finally had the brains to look up who his soon-to-be mentor was, to see what exactly he was getting himself into.

Turns out Taeil is kind of a big deal. Maybe not, like, Dr. Dre famous, but he was up there. Taeil produced big hits, songs that were on the radio every hour like clockwork. Top 100 pop and hip-hop beats that almost everyone knew, whether they realized it or not. Donghyuck found himself so deep in this internet hole that he even learned that Taeil made songs for himself and that he could sing, like really sing. Donghyuck was intimidated to say the least because his demo probably sounded like something Taeil could do in his sleep. None of Taeil’s songs were well known, probably because he only posted them on his SoundCloud which had less than ten thousand followers. That didn’t make them any less impressive though. Donghyuck wonders if Taeil wanted to sing like he did, if he had to take the short end of the stick because of whatever reason. Maybe Donghyuck will end up like Taeil, stuck to make hits for someone else while snuffing out his own voice in the process. 

* * *

It was almost three weeks later that Doyoung called him. It was the middle of the day and Donghyuck was in between classes when his phone went off.

“Donghyuck? Hi this is Doyoung from Quest Records. Is now a good time to talk?”

“Hi, yes, now is fine.” Donghyuck whipped his head around, looking for the closest bench or acceptable sitting area. Luckily he had just left one of the academic buildings where there were patio tables for students to use however they saw fit.

“HR finally got back to me. Everything is ready for you, you’ll just need to come in one day before you start to sign some paperwork and some other housekeeping things. Which is why I’m calling, when will you be able to start?”

“Classes end May 3rd. I still need to find an apartment and stuff so I’m not sure when I’ll be able to move. I guess I could start two weeks after? May 13th?”

“That’s fine, I’ll mark it down as the 13th but if it changes you can email me. I’ll actually send you an email with everything you’ll need for the paperwork, which you can come by the office to do at any point before you start. Just ask for me at the front office and we’ll get you squared away. Do you have any questions?”

“Uhm… not at the moment.”

“Alright, if you do feel free to email me or call me. Have a nice day, Donghyuck.”

“Thank you, you too.”

Donghyuck hangs up the phone and thinks it’s a little strange that he’s doing all his communicating with Doyoung. It all felt a little too corporate for him and Donghyuck had no desire to be in the corporate world. Stuffy suits and uncomfortable office chairs never screamed ‘fun’ to him. He wasn’t sure how anyone _wanted_ to work in an office, breathing recycled air and having the same conversation every day. He would rather be dancing and jumping on stage in front of people who knew him and enjoyed the same things he did. For now though, he would work in an office and do what he was told to do if that meant a chance at doing what he wanted to later. He would sit in a lopsided office chair in his $50 suit from the department store if that meant progress. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pain, nothing but pain.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the rating change. Things get towards some extra dubious dubcon towards the end, but everything is being done out of love and neither would do anything to hurt the other.

It was March and Donghyuck was tired. His muscles were sore and no amount of stretching and proper posture was fixing it. He had spent every night the first week of the month working on a singular song. He couldn’t remember the last time he spoke to his roommate, too busy with his headphones on, bursting his ear drums. It had to be right, it had to be perfect. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had a restful sleep. 

“Haechan.”

Something wasn’t clicking. No amount of time practicing or researching was helping him figure out what he was doing wrong. The beats and melodies were there, the tempo was right. Why didn’t it sound good? Why did Donghyuck want to scream when he listened to it every time he made any change to it?

“Haechan!”

He didn’t want to make a fool of himself when it came time to start his internship. He needed to prove his worth, that he had potential or whatever the fuck it was he needed to make it. Donghyuck was tired of feeling small and inconsequential. He had spent enough of his time in high school being debased, just a boy to mock, to make people feel better about their own frail egos. He didn’t need that from anyone else, not anymore. Mark had built him up, kissed it all away. Donghyuck needed Mark like he needed air and then he was gone. Mark took the air with him and now Donghyuck was suffocating.

“Donghyuck!” 

Jaehyun was shaking him. Donghyuck took his headphones off, confused.

“You’ve been in here all day, have you eaten?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat.”

“I’m fine, I’ll eat when I get hungry.” Donghyuck put his headphones back on, promptly ending whatever conversation his roommate and brother wanted to have with him. He had to finish this song. 

-

Donghyuck had stopped being able to sleep. He wasn’t sure when it started, probably sometime after seeing Mark on campus with his friends. He seemed fine, smiling at least. He didn’t have that shine in his eyes when he meant it though, Donghyuck probably took that from him. Mark always called him his sunshine after learning what his nickname, Haechan, meant. It seemed a little too literal that Donghyuck was the reason Mark’s eyes shone with mirth, but it was clear there was dullness now as his smile never really reached his eyes. Donghyuck took some sick satisfaction in knowing Mark was hurt too. That didn’t help him sleep at night though.

The only thing that managed to knock him out was alcohol. So his ritual weekend binging turned more frequent. A beer with dinner turned into a shot of cheap liquor before bed. He never let it get bad though, only a shot or two to help him sleep. Sometimes he didn’t need it, staying up all night the day before did a number on his under eyes but it made it harder to keep his eyes open the following night. He always made sure no one knew, that Jaehyun wouldn’t see the bottle of vodka he pilfered and stashed under his bed. He heard enough from Jaehyun about overworking himself, he didn’t need to hear more about his drinking problem. It was college, that’s what people did. They drank, they fucked, they learned. Donghyuck was doing all three, well until Mark broke up with him. Now he can barely manage one of those things. 

-

“Hey Haechan, are you okay?” 

Donghyuck was in a rehearsal room in the music building. There were drums and mic stands missing microphones on a makeshift stage to help bands practice. Donghyuck was sitting in a chair at the back of the room, laptop in his lap working on a group project for his music composition class. He obviously chose to work with his friends Renjun and Chenle, who were both at the piano against the wall parallel to Donghyuck’s seat. They were a year behind him but were basically musical prodigies. He often asked them why they weren’t at Berklee or Julliard, somewhere worth being. 

Chenle was looking at him, leaning against the old upright piano as Renjun looked over the sheet music they had been working on.

“I’m fine, why?” Donghyuck didn’t look up from his screen.

“You’ve been more quiet than usual. And we haven’t hung out outside of this project all semester.”

“I’m fine, I’ve just been busy getting ready for my internship.”

“You look sick.” It was Renjun to speak this time, turning around in his seat on the bench. 

“I feel fine.” Donghyuck shrugged, still never looking up. “Do you think our bridge should be an octave higher?” He clicked around on his music software to play their piano piece as they currently had it. 

-

Spring break came like it always did, a week break in the middle of March. Most students went to Santa Monica beach, getting wasted and sunburnt in the California sun. That's what most of his fraternity brothers were doing, Jaehyun included. They had a brother with a vacation house there that they let them use. Jaehyun had asked him to come with them but he declined, saying he was going to go home. Donghyuck could have sworn he saw a look of relief on Jaehyun’s face with his answer. 

Donghyuck had thought about just staying on campus, not wanting to waste the time nor the energy to go back home for the week but his mother insisted. So he went home and spent the week in his backyard, watching his younger sister swim in the pool. For once he wasn’t thinking about the internship, instead just letting his honey skin caramelize in the sun. At least, he wasn’t thinking about it until his father joined him on the patio chair next to him and handed him a glass of water. 

“Did you find your internship yet?”

“Mm, yeah I did. I actually meant to tell you guys about it earlier. I got a paid internship at a music company in the city. They want me to move out there so I’m not coming home over the summer.”

“That’s a pretty big deal, isn’t it?” His father never went to college, neither did his mother. They were both young and high school sweethearts who made the mistake of getting pregnant their senior year. So neither of them could afford the cost or time of higher education. That didn’t matter though, they loved each other and made it work. Now his dad worked for the electric company while his mom helped run a daycare. It was rough but they made it, they could afford this nice house close to the city with a big pool in the backyard. Donghyuck was too young to remember but he knew his parents really struggled when he was born. Knew that he had put them through so much pain and struggle. Sometimes he thinks he should feel some type of guilty but those thoughts never get far because he didn’t ask to be born. He didn’t ask to be born into a shitty world, depressed and alone. 

“Kind of? At the very least I can get my internship credit to graduate,” Donghyuck said, sipping the glass of water. 

“Have you found where you’re staying yet?”

“No, I think Jaehyun is going to take me next weekend. He said he also wants to look for somewhere for when he graduates.” Jaehyun was graduating in May and instead of moving in with Yuta like everyone had assumed he would, he was quick to tell Donghyuck he would go since he needed somewhere soon. A beat passed in confusion as Donghyuck understood the connotations of that, that he wasn’t going to just move in with Yuta who was already gainfully employed and living in a modern apartment only minutes away from campus. Donghyuck thought they were painfully in love but clearly he wasn’t privy to the inner workings of their relationship.

“I like Jaehyun, how is he?”

“Fine, I guess. I haven’t talked to him much lately.”

Donghyuck’s father just grunted in response. He got up for his spot on the lounge chair next to his son’s and before walking away said, “Good luck then, let me know how it goes.”

“Thanks dad.”

-

“So why aren’t you moving in with Yuta?”

“He’s been living by himself for like two years now. I want to do that too.” Jaehyun shrugged, running his hands over the fake granite kitchen countertop.

“Well yeah, but are you even going to be able to afford living here?”

“Probably not but I’ll figure it out.” They were at their last apartment tour for the afternoon. This is the one Donghyuck was the most excited for, it was in a new building and on the top floor. It was a one bedroom with a refrigerator with a built in ice machine. Peak adult.

“If you say so.” They followed the manager out the apartment and back down to the leasing office. She didn’t have to do much convincing, Donghyuck was ready to sign his short term lease the moment he walked in. He didn’t want to think too hard about something that would only last barely four months. It was furnished and not far from the Quest office. So he signed the lease and promised to pay the security deposit online when he got back to campus with the money Quest Records so generously advanced him so that he could do exactly this. It seemed a little too good to be true and Donghyuck is still waiting for the other shoe to drop but he’ll deal with that when he gets to it.

They caught an Uber back to the bus station and made their way back to their house in mostly silence. Until something kept nagging in the back on Donghyuck’s brain that he couldn’t leave be.

“I haven’t seen Yuta since last semester. What’s the deal?”

“Nothing, he’s been busy. Why?”

“Just seems strange is all.” Donghyuck hummed, scrolling through his Twitter feed. “We’re still down to drink tonight, right?”

“Yeah dude.”

“Cool.” Donghyuck still thinks it’s strange he hasn’t seen Yuta since last semester. Nothing has changed, he’s just living with Jaehyun now. It seems like, if anything, he should be seeing his roommate’s boyfriend more than normal. Oh well, not his problem.

-

It’s hot in the living room. There are bodies everywhere and Donghyuck can’t see the walls or the window that he knows is right behind the shitty table that is supposed to be a DJ booth. He feels like he’s drowning in steam and smoke and booze. Oh, look, there’s still punch in his cup. Neat.

Donghyuck really fucking missed Mark. He missed the way the older’s lips perfectly wrapped around his dick. He loved going home with his boyfriend, his perfect, cute, talented, kind, funny boyfriend. He loved kissing him and hearing the sounds he made when he heard the cap of the lube bottle. Every time, a little squeak even though he knew it was coming. Pavlov would have a field day with that one. Donghyuck could listen to Mark moan and groan all night, and sometimes he did. Sometimes he would pin him down just to watch him suffer. 

It was cathartic. 

Donghyuck didn’t have much control over anything in his life but Mark was like putty under his hands. Mark would bend until he broke to please Donghyuck and boy did he like taking advantage of that. Mark was just. So. Flexible. Donghyuck was never scared the other would break, and even if he did he would be there to put the pieces back in place. Except now Donghyuck was the broken one and no one was there to put him back together.

Donghyuck tipped his cup all the way back and tossed it on the floor, uncaring of the glares he got from the people around him. No one would remember tomorrow anyways.

He needed another drink, so back to the kitchen he went. 

Jaehyun was talking to some girl who was very clearly interested in him. What a fucking flirt. Donghyuck scoffed and politely hip checked her away so he could get a word in.

“Hi Jaehyunnie. What are you doing?” Donghyuck was probably slurring his words, based on the look his roommate-slash-brother was giving him. 

“Well I was having a nice conversation about some TV show I’ve never heard of until someone young and drunk interrupted me.”

“That- That sounds awfully boring.” Donghyuck was definitely slurring. “Tell Yuta he needs to come by again.”

“I’ll be sure to pass the message along.”

“Are you guys fighting?”

“No. You need some water.” Jaehyun walked past Donghyuck to grab a clean cup and fill it up with fresh tap water. How considerate of him.

“I don’t need water. There’s water in the punch. ‘S fine.” Donghyuck grabbed the cup that was offered to him anyways, only to dump it out the sink and fill it with sticky, red punch from the orange Igloo cooler perched on the counter next to the sink. Donghyuck is grateful he isn’t on cleaning duty tomorrow, he hates jungle juice night clean up. Everything was so tacky and reeked of mildew the next day.

There must have been a spill or something because now Donghyuck was on the floor, covered in his just poured drink. What a waste.

“Come on, baby. Let’s get you upstairs.” Aw, Jaehyun called him baby. He hasn’t called him baby since before the Mark thing. Fuck Mark.

“I don’t wanna. Just-” he flopped his arms above him, trying to get the point across, “just leave me here.”

“I’m not leaving you in the middle of the kitchen floor covered in jungle juice.” Jaehyun must be hitting the gym because next thing Donghyuck knows he’s being pulled up by very beefy arms. Wow, has Jaehyun always been this ripped?

Donghyuck groaned, letting Jaehyun drag him along and up the stairs. The room was spinning and Jaehyun shoved him in and closed the door behind them. He wasn’t sure which way was up anymore until he landed with a thud on the hardwood floor. This was nice.

“Come up, get up you need to get out of those clothes.” Jaehyun was pulling him up again. This time he pulled a little too hard and now Donghyuck was pressed sticky against the other. Jaehyun had  _ definitely  _ been hitting the gym. His chest was so firm.

“Come up, arms up baby.” Donghyuck wasn’t sure if he was being called baby to be cute or if because he really thought of him as a baby. He assumed it was the first. Donghyuck obliged and lifted his arms up so Jaehyun could peel the soaked shirt off of him. It was cold. Donghyuck stepped forward and put his head on Jaehyun’s, yep still firm, chest.

“Thank you Jaehyun.” Donghyuck mumbled against the solid rock that was Jaehyun’s pecs. Then he lifted his head up to look up at his roommate. Jaehyun was smiling, dimples and all. Donghyuck never really appreciated how hot his brother was. It was unbelievable how someone could look like that. Soft round cheeks with an angled jaw, it seemed contradictory. There were bags under his eyes but they weren’t from sleepless nights, that’s just how they were. It gave him  _ character _ or whatever. His lips were just right, nothing too plump or too thin. Easily kissable.

Donghyuck was kissing Jaehyun.

“Haechan you’re drunk.” Jaehyun pulled away and held the younger at an arm’s distance.

“You’re hot.” Donghyuck weaseled his way out of the other’s grip to snake his arms up around his neck. He buried his face under the black locks and into his sweaty neck. He smelled like Jaehyun, pure Jaehyun with a hint of cologne and beer. Donghyuck started kissing before Jaehyun could pull him away again. He did it anyway and this time pushed him back so the back of Donghyuck’s knees hit against his own bed. The younger landed with a thud and a whine as he sat on his bed, watching Jaehyun. Jaehyun was staring, face unreadable. 

“Can you get your pants off yourself?”

“Mmmm, no.” Donghyuck flopped, back flat against his comforter. 

“You’re ridiculous.”

“What’s ridiculous is how ripped you got. That’s not fair.” Donghyuck whined, picking at his soft stomach. He wasn’t toned nor was he chubby. His stomach was just bare of flat and he never liked to look at himself in the mirror for too long.

Jaehyun was unbuckling his jeans and the sound of the metal buckle clinking woke something up in Donghyuck. He shot up and grabbed Jaehyun by the collar of his now slightly wrinkled black button up. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. He needed to kiss. So he kissed Jaehyun and the other tried to pull away again. Donghyuck didn’t let him, he just pulled harder until Jaehyun had no choice but to fall forward and on top of him.

“Please…” was all Donghyuck was able to whisper when he was forced to pull away to breathe. 

“Donghyuck, you’re drunk and I have a boyfriend,” Jaehyun sighed, carding his hands through the other’s golden blond hair.

“A boyfriend who won’t even come visit you. Just admit you’re fighting already!” Donghyuck pouted.

“Fine, yes we’re fighting. Are you happy?”

“No.”

“What do you want, baby?”

Donghyuck lifted up to kiss Jaehyun this time and was met with, surprisingly, minimal resistance. They kissed wet and awkward until Donghyuck got tired and moved to nibble on whatever skin he could reach. He was whimpering against hot skin and he still had his gross pants on. He didn’t care, he just rolled his hips up hoping to make any sort of contact. He was met with something equally as hard as he was.

“Jaehyun, please…”

“No, Haechan. You need to get these pants off and then in bed. Nothing else, okay?”

Donghyuck didn’t answer, just laid lifeless as his pants were peeled off. He looked down to see his erection trying to make itself known through his boxer briefs. Jaehyun was putting the offending clothing in the hamper by the door, he wouldn’t notice if Donghyuck just slipped his hand in and touched himself. Except he did, causing him to flip the light switch and open the door.

“Baby… I just…” It was Donghyuck this time to pull the baby card. Jaehyun closed the door. Donghyuck couldn’t tell if he was in or out the room. Then the bed dipped beside him and a kiss was being placed on his cheek.

“Haechan, you need help. I love you but I hate seeing you like this.” Jaehyun was whispering right into his ear, the hand not supporting his body up trailing down Donghyuck’s stomach.

“I’m fine…” Donghyuck whispered in kind, as if they spoke too loudly the tablecloth would be pulled from under them.

“You’re not fine. People are worried about you.” Jaehyun tugged the arm that was still pumping the other’s cock languidly, replacing the hand with his own. “I’m worried about you.” Jaehyun kissed his cheek again and he wrapped a perfect O with his finger and thumb around the issue at hand. They laid in silence, Jaehyun stroking his best friend’s dick, dry and almost too painful to be pleasurable. The silence was soon filled with pants and whines as Donghyuck got closer to coming.

“I miss Mark.” Donghyuck was crying and he wasn’t sure if it was because he was so close or the pain from the lack of lubricant or from the hurt he can’t seem to escape from.

“I know, baby. I know.” Donghyuck was coming, covering his friend’s hand and soaking his already soaked underwear. Jaehyun pulled them off, using it to wipe them both clean of cum. Then he was out of the bed, opening drawers, and then back in bed to pull on a clean pair of boxers.

“Good night, Donghyuck.” The weight left his bed and Donghyuck cried himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to summer, will Taeil be our knight in shining armor?
> 
> Comments always appreciated, would love to hear your thoughts!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alcohol and sex are involved in this one but everything in consensual

Jaehyun is gone when Donghyuck wakes up in the morning. He’s hung over and sore and still heart broken. He wants it to stop, he wants to rip the shattered organ from his chest and throw it away. Love was a stupid concept Donghyuck had no time for. There were more important things to worry about, like his internship that started in two months. 

Donghyuck rolled out of bed, naked aside from the boxer briefs Jaehyun had put him in last night. He was sticky and smelled. So he trudged his way into the communal bathroom, locked the door, and turned the shower as hot as it would go. Anything to wash the general repugnant sheen and any regret he may have had from last night. It was scalding and Donghyuck didn’t care. He felt gross and no amount of hot water or scrubbing would clean that grime from inside his body. There was no getting rid of that, you would have to cut him open and scrub him from the inside out. 

It was Sunday and Sunday’s meant chapter meetings. The streets of fraternity and sorority houses were going to be crawling with men and women dressed in their fraternity best to sit in a room and discuss whatever mindless bullshit there was to discuss. It was all pointless. What t-shirt design should we use for this event? What fundraiser should we run? What theme should we have for the end of year formal? All tucked in between a stupid prayer and song you had to memorize before being initiated. But this is what Donghyuck signed up for, what he spent his parents' hard earned money on. So he put on a clean pair of sweatpants, changed his sheets, and plopped back in bed counting down the hours until he had to put on a dress shirt and slacks to impress absolutely no one who cared. He thinks he’s close to finishing his song.

Jaehyun came back a few hours later and neither spoke a word to each other until they were ready to head to a classroom on campus for the meeting.

* * *

Jaehyun never did bring that night up afterwards. It was quiet for a while between them but eventually, it petered out. March became April and they were a month away until the semester was up. Jaehyun was graduating this year so neither wanted to end on a bad note, especially since they would be practically neighbors for the summer. So their relationship drifted quietly back to normal. No mess, no fuss.

“You ended up going for that apartment above the coffee shop, right?” Donghyuck asked one weekend, sitting on the kitchen island with a cup of cheap beer in hand, per usual.

“Yeah, I’m moving in as soon as I walk across the stage. Yuta said he had plans or something.” Jaehyun was on keg duty tonight, passing out drinks to only girls and fraternity brothers. Something about status quo.

“Oh? Are you guys done fighting then?”

“Something like that.”

“Are you going to tell me what the fight was about?”

“It’s not important,” Jaehyun shouted over a pair of drunk girls screeching over how hot some guy was.

“Yeah, alright.”

“When do you start your internship?” Said girls were now ogling Jaehyun. It’s almost always Jaehyun who garners the attention of all the drunk girls who find their way into the Nu Delta house. Never Donghyuck, who is too soft and too pretty. He’s heard numerous times from girls that he’s prettier than they are. Donghyuck thinks they’re just intimidated and thanks God or whoever that he’s gay.

“The Monday after finals week.”

“Not giving yourself much time, are you?”

“I don’t have much stuff to move, the apartment is furnished already. I don’t know anyone in LA anyways so I figured I could start right away.”

“Fair.”

“I’m going to dance.” Donghyuck filled up his cup and quickly slid into his trance of booze and music.

* * *

The rest of the semester seemed to have crawled by at the pace of a snail stuck on a glue trap. Donghyuck tried to keep himself busy with school work and learning new tricks on his Launchpad. He thinks he’s getting the hang of it, actually. At one point he caught Jaehyun bobbing his head to the beat as Donghyuck played a song through his laptop speaker. He’ll count that as a win in his book.

None of that made the semester go by any faster though. Every week was a week full of avoiding Mark in the halls of the music building because it turned out that Mark was taking a music elective on Tuesdays and Thursdays that conflicted with one of Donghyuck’s classes. He wasn’t sure if Mark had caught on to this fact so he made himself scarce, he would like to not see his ugly face ever again, thank you very much. So he stayed behind in class when he knew Mark would be leaving the building, probably heading to get lunch with some classmate or something. The classroom was only a few feet away from the individual practice rooms so Donghyuck had started making it a habit to go there instead of leaving. He would bring his laptop and Launchpad and just do something. Something usually turned into a mess of hi hats and bass drops that did not go together whatsoever. It was distraction enough though, something to keep his mind off the sense of dread he had started to feel after Spring Break. A gnawing pain that was threatening to grow, ready to expand and seep into his bones. 

  
“Oh, shit.” A frantic voice whispered, followed by a skidding of shoes. Donghyuck looked up to see a mop of dark hair and beady, wide eyes staring at him. He was on his way to the practice room but forgot his water bottle on his desk in the classroom. That was apparently a huge mistake because now Mark was staring at him, frozen in place. Donghyuck stared back. There was a heavy blanket of silence over them and neither of them had the guts to yank it away. Donghyuck thought he would be the one to storm off or say something snarky but he couldn’t. 

He knew saying something so contemptuous would hurt Mark and Donghyuck didn’t want to hurt Mark. Under all the sarcasm and “fuck Mark”s, Donghyuck still loved him. There was a piece of him that was chiseled away by proclamations of love and gentle hands coaxing his open. Mark took a piece of Donghyuck and it would never fit back in place, the edges too rotten and frayed. So Donghyuck didn’t move, didn’t speak. He just stared because that was about all he was capable of doing. 

A flash of something, maybe anger or sadness, flashed across Mark’s face as he widened his eyes more. Then he blinked, face expressionless, and turned on his heel to walk away.

Mark walked away for the last time, leaving Donghyuck open and wounded and heartbroken.

* * *

There were less than three weeks left in the semester. Less than three weeks until he would be in Los Angeles in an apartment with a balcony and a full sized bed, pretending to be an adult in the real world. He had told Doyoung originally he would wait two weeks between classes and starting but he was really kidding himself there. What did he really expect to do for two weeks other than hole himself up and play video games? So he told Doyoung when he went to sign his paperwork and get his ID badge that he could start sooner. 

Three weeks was nothing when you had projects due in every class and the impending dread of finals week hanging over your shoulder during every passing minute. Every minute not spent working on a project could be used to study. So that’s what Donghyuck did, he studied. Chenle and Renjun were with him in the cafe that was about a block away from the edge of campus. The library would be too full and it was easier to focus with the white noise of blenders and milk frothers. 

“I can’t wait to be done with this composing class. I can compose a piano piece in my sleep, why is this a required class?” Chenle was flipping through his notebook, shoulder to shoulder with Donghyuck on a couch nestled next to a window looking out into a parking lot.

“Not all of us were born with our fingers glued to a piano.” Donghyuck nudged Chenle with his shoulder.

“Not all of us were born with the vocal stability of Whitney Houston.” Chenle nudges back.

“Thank god I was born with both.” Renjun snorted from across the coffee table, legs tucked under him as he sat in an armchair with his laptop perched on his knees. Renjun unfolded his legs, placing the laptop on the table that had been laid claim with scattered sheet music and textbooks. “Are you guys coming to the end of the year party?”

“Of course,” answered Chenle, with no hesitation. Donghyuck on the other hand…

“What party?”

“Oh that’s right, you’ve been too far up your own ass to know…” Renjun glowered.

“I’ve been busy!”

“Whatever, the music department is throwing a party next weekend to send off the seniors. All the music majors are invited. We’re meeting at my apartment beforehand to walk together. You’re welcome to join us..” Renjun looked at Chenle, shrugged, and looked back to Donghyuck. If Chenle was making a face, Donghyuck wasn’t able to see it, too focused on Renjun to look beside him. Had he been that too self absorbed to know this was happening? Or was he purposefully being left out? He could ask Renjun or Chenle but Donghyuck figured he wouldn’t like the answer either way. 

“Sure, okay. Do I need to bring anything?”

* * *

Music majors are reserved, antisocial, too occupied with their own instrument or academics to venture outside the walls of the music building. Well at least that’s the stereotype or whatever. Sure, stereotypes are bad or wrong or something but they’re stereotypes for a reason. Donghyuck may be an exception but Renjun and Chenle didn’t know anyone outside of their classmates, too occupied with music to care about anything else. Donghyuck might have been the same way if he didn’t join Nu Delta but he doesn’t dwell on that thought, he likes his brothers. However, all stereotypes are out the window when there is a party involved. The once quiet and nervous students are now alcohol fueled menances, horny and loud. Wow, they were so loud. Donghyuck had to press his palms to his ears as he walked past two screaming men arguing over Lady Gaga’s lyricism. 

“I need a drink.” Donghyuck shouted over the music thumping throughout the house. He doesn’t even remember how he got here, he just blindly followed Renjun from his apartment through the streets behind his building. He was fucked if Renjun decided to abandon him. So he stayed close, following him through the crowd of familiar faces and to the back yard. There was a patio set, too nice for any college student to own, placed adjacent to a fire pit. On the patio table was an array of bottom shelf booze and dollar store soda, accompanied by a cooler of ice on the ground. He watched Renjun and Chenle pour themselves something that resembled a vodka cranberry, except the cranberry was actually a neon red fruit juice. Donghyuck’s stomach felt sick thinking of the amount of sugar and dye in that syrupy mess. So he poured himself a knuckle’s length of the safest looking clear liquor on the table so he could quickly down it while Renjun and Chenle were chatting with some girl who had just arrived. He threw his head back, letting the drink burn his throat. He was quick to reach for the bottle again to refill his cup when someone grabbed it before he could. 

“Thirsty?”

“Something like that.” Donghyuck looked up to find dark eyes shrouded by dark hair watching him. The stranger reached his hand out to take the cup from Donghyuck, pouring him more vodka in his cup before handing it back. Donghyuck could do nothing but watch as everything happened. People didn’t talk to Donghyuck, not really. He had spent so much time holing himself up with his brothers or with Mark that no one even paid him mind. Donghyuck didn’t know anyone other than Renjun and Chenle, and the only reason he knew them was because they had multiple classes together. So when said stranger stepped around the table to stand in front of Donghyuck proper, all he could manage was to keep his mouth closed and stare.

“Haechan, right?”

“Uhm, yeah. Sorry, do I know you?”

“No, I’ve just seen you around. I’m Hendery.” Hendery held out his somehow filled cup to knock it against Donghyuck’s. 

“Cool.” Donghyuck chugged his freshly poured drink and contemplated. Hendery wasn’t leaving, wasn’t trying to make an escape. There were options here. But Donghyuck didn’t feel like making a decision so he took the bottle back from the table and took a swig straight from it, eyes locked on Hendery the entire time. Hendery could make whatever decision needed to be made.

After taking another swig, he put the bottle down, gave Hendery one final glance, and walked back inside. If Hendery was following, Donghyuck didn’t know and didn’t care. He was going to go inside and do what he knew how to do, try to forget. Once inside, he found Renjun and Chenle standing as beautiful wallflowers as they watched drunken seniors cry over their last week of classes. As he was walking towards them, someone grabbed his wrist gently, pulling him around.

So Hendery did follow him.

Then things started to get a little fuzzy around the edges. Donghyuck remembered being asked to dance, nodding his head and pulling Hendery to the middle of the crowd. He remembered a tight grip on his waist and the smell of Old Spice. Then soft black hair in his hands and soft lips against his own. Donghyuck was pushed against a wall at some point, either inside or outside or somewhere in between. Then he told Renjun he was going home and the look of worry on his face in response. Donghyuck wished he didn’t remember that look. 

At some point the fuzz became a little less and he could remember the feel of Hendery’s sweaty palm holding his own, walking down the street to somewhere, he think Hendery’s house? Apartment? Dorm? How old was he anyways? Did he even go to school here? Donghyuck really should have asked those questions before letting a stranger sweep him away to his humble abode.

That thought didn’t last long though as he was now inside Hendery’s house, yes definitely house. He was being pulled up a flight of stairs and into a bedroom. It was dark and Hendery didn’t bother to turn the lights on, opting to crowd Donghyuck against the wall and nip at his neck, ears, and shoulder. The haziness of the alcohol was soon replaced with arousal, the need to be naked and filled right now. He didn’t realize how much he missed that feeling until Hendery was groping his ass, guiding him towards the bed. 

Hendery had taken off both of their clothes and was already two fingers deep into Donghyuck and wow, Donghyuck _really_ missed this. Hendery was sliding in and out with no real focus and it was strangely relaxing. He was sure the hint of booze left in his system was helping with that but nothing could beat the feeling of letting someone else pleasure you. Then a third finger was added and Donghyuck was biting back moans. Hendery was being careful, working slowly and kissing along Donghyuck’s thighs and hips, biting soft skin when he pushed in a little further.

Fingers were removed and the crinkling sound of a condom being opened filled the empty space. Oh good, that thought didn’t even cross his mind in his horny stupor. What a nice guy.

Hendery bent down to suck on Donghyuck’s nipple while carefully lining himself up before slowly pushing himself into Donghyuck. It stung, bad. He grimaced at the sharp pain shooting up his spine but he powered through, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. It had been so long since he had even thought about anal, let alone put anything near there, so he’s not surprised. 

No words were spoken between them, only huffs and moans and something that resembled a ‘yes’ as Hendery slowly pulled back out and pushed back in. It was slow, Hendery not letting up on his nipple the entire time. Finally, Hendery pulled back and put some force behind his thrusts. Based on the erratic pace and quick breathing, Hendery must be close. So Donghyuck took the opportunity to snake his hand down to grab his own cock and pump himself in rhythm with the thrusts. 

“Shit, I’m gonna cum.” Hendery creaked out, eyes closed and head slack. Donghyuck angled his hips up and started jerking his cock faster. Finally, he felt something hit his prostate and Donghyuck was cumming.

“Mark, fuck.” Mark wasn’t far behind him, one final push inside and he could feel the pulsing of his cock inside. Mark tilted his head back up to make eye contact. Except it wasn’t Mark.

“Who’s Mark?” Hendery was still inside him, soft eyes looking down at him. Donghyuck shoved Hendery off of him, trying not to focus on the pain in his tailbone. He grabbed his clothes and put them on quicker than he thought possible, all while Hendery tried to come up with something to say.

“Sorry, I have to go. Bye.” Donghyuck dashed out the bedroom and down the stairs and out the front door. By the time he made it to the street, he was crying. Hot tears strolling down his flushed face. He walked down the street until he could find any sort of street sign or landmark to help figure out where he was but he was tired and he still felt raw. So he gave up, carefully sitting down on the curb. He pulled out his phone and dialed the first person he could think of who would help.

_“Haechan?”_

“I need help…” Donghyuck managed to breathe out in between sobs.

_“Baby, where are you?”_

“I don’t know… Jaehyun please I can’t be here.”

_“Send me your location, okay? I’m coming to get you.”_

So Donghyuck dropped his location to Jaehyun before pulling his knees closer to his chest and let the crying run its course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyun is really the hero of this story, let's be real.


End file.
